the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
