I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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