mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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