she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
