I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
