I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
