i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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