I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
