I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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