Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
