Duck Duck Cougar?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
