I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
