my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Your cock deserves a montage
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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