I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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