I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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