I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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