I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I need water and some morals
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My life is pants optional.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
