fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
