so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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