So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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