im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
