She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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