I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
