Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
