why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
