so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
