i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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