I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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