Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just google imaged poop.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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