That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
