sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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