Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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