so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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