Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
