She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
