I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
