a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
