i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
