HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Maybe he injected his testicle?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
