Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
