At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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