don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
