you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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