if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We need to get me chipped asap
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
