he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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