conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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