apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
