What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
