I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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