Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
