Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Holy sore nipples Batman
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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