I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
