I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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