I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
