guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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